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Schedule

BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR

March 2, 2024
Sat • 8 pm
The Hobby Center for the Performing Arts-Sarofim Hall
Houston, TX
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March 3, 2024
Sun • 7 pm
The Plaza Theatre
El Paso, TX
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March 23, 2024
Sat • 8 pm
Jacki Gleason Theater
Miami, FL
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March 24, 2024
Sun • 8 pm
Ruth Eckerd Hall
Clearwater, FL
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April 20, 2024
Sat • 8 pm
San Jose Center for the Performing Arts
San Jose, CA
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“I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.”

- Bill Maher -

“As you go down the path of life, ask what’s true. Not who else believes it.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“God isn’t talking to you, those are called thoughts.”

- Bill Maher -

“I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.”

- Bill Maher -

“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”

- Bill Maher -

“The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Real Axis of Evil in America is the Genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people”

- Bill Maher -

“The countries that have the money to offer large cash awards to the families of suicide bombers, or to send little boys to madrasah’s, the prep schools of hate, are getting that money from people using lots of oil.”

- Bill Maher -

“Trump rides the bus with Billy Bush and we throw Al Franken under it.”

- Bill Maher -

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“There are good people who do good things, there are bad people who do bad things, but to get a good person to do a bad thing takes religion.”

- Bill Maher -

“I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?”

- Bill Maher -

“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

- Bill Maher -

“Wow just read Oxford Dictionary added OMG and LOL as words! WTF??”

- Bill Maher -

“”Ha, we’re changing Operation Iraqi Freedom to Operation New Dawn – sounds like a Twilight movie – we’re not occupiers, we’re sexy vampires!”

- Bill Maher -

“Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.”

- Bill Maher -

“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”

- Bill Maher -

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