HBO Real Time Feb. 3, 2023

Medaria Arradondo- Rep. Ruben Gallego - Bret Stephens

HBO & HBOMax!
Visit HBO Real Time

Schedule

BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR

February 17, 2023
Fri • 8 pm
David Copperfield Theater at MGM Grand Hotel & Casino
Las Vegas, NV
Buy Tickets
February 18, 2023
Sat • 8 pm
David Copperfield Theater at MGM Grand Hotel & Casino
Las Vegas, NV
Buy Tickets
February 25, 2023
Sat • 8 pm
Hard Rock Live
Wheatland, CA
Buy Tickets
March 11, 2023
Sat • 8 pm
Bally's Lake Tahoe
Lake Tahoe, NV
Buy Tickets
March 12, 2023
Sun • 8 pm
Golden Gate Theatre
San Francisco, CA
Buy Tickets
View More Scheduled Dates
“George Bush, compared to these tea baggers, he looks like a professor.”

- Bill Maher -

“Is it just me or does Times Square look like Tokyo now?”

- Bill Maher -

“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Men are only as loyal as their options.”

- Bill Maher -

“If everyone likes you, you have never said anything true. Anytime you speak the truth, some people are going to hate you.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”

- Bill Maher -

“We owe China a trillion dollars. I opened a fortune cookie the other day, it said, ‘Pay up, deadbeat.'”

- Bill Maher -

“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”

- Bill Maher -

“Sarah Palin on her Facebook page said she still believes in death panels. You know what, Sarah, if we were going to get rid of useless people, you would be the first to know.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”

- Bill Maher -

“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”

- Bill Maher -

“Sarah Palin visited Israel and stood at the Wailing Wall and said ‘I stood here for 45 minutes and didn’t see one whale.'”

- Bill Maher -

“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

- Bill Maher -

“Over half of Republicans believe in Creationism – for those too young to recall, they didn’t used to be the party of ignorance-what happened?”

- Bill Maher -

“It seems like we have to tax something, why not rich dead people? Of all the things you could tax; they don’t have any need for the money, on account of that whole being dead thing.”

- Bill Maher -

“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”

- Bill Maher -

Sign up to our email list

* indicates required