April 10, 2021
Sat • 8 pm
Sat • 8 pm
Meridian Hall
Toronto, ON
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HBO Real Time Returns
Friday, September 11, 2020 at 10 pm
Watch on HBO and HBO Max
Visit HBO Real Time
Schedule
BILL MAHER COMEDY TOUR
April 24, 2021
Sat • 7 pm
Sat • 7 pm
Eccles Theater
Salt Lake City, UT
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April 25, 2021
Sun • 8 pm
Sun • 8 pm
Queen Elizabeth Theatre
Vancouver, BC
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May 28, 2021
Fri • 8 pm
Fri • 8 pm
Borgata Event Center
Atlantic City, NJ
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June 12, 2021
Sat • 8 pm
Sat • 8 pm
Kravis Center
West Palm Beach, FL
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“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”
“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”
“The battle for good health is won on the cellular level”
“Why do people act shocked whenever NASCAR drivers get into an accident what?! No! One minute he’s flying around an oil-slicked track at 200 mph, and the next minute: gone!”
“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.”
“If you don’t know how to feel about the arrest of Julian Assange here’s the rule in Trumpworld: Hiding in an embassy? Bad if you have secrets. Chopping someone up in an embassy? Good if you have oil.”
“Sarah Palin finally heard what happened to Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami.”
“We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”
“Trump rides the bus with Billy Bush and we throw Al Franken under it.”
“Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what is ruining this country.”
“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”
“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”
“There was a revolution in the Arab country of Tunisia. Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it’s the name of one of Obama’s kids”
“There’s a reason small towns are small. No one wants to live there.”
“We fear different things. I fear climate change. They fear a demon in a red bodysuit… with a pitchfork.”
“The Pope has a Facebook page. That’s true, I’m not making that up. What’s creepy is that under the relationship status, he put ‘It’s complicated.'”
“Isn’t the problem that almost all Republicans are conservative, but not all Democrats are liberal?”
“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”
“Why are decent citizens still being jailed for smoking the wrong plant, easing the suffering of the terminally ill, or accepting cash for sex instead of the customary dinner and drinks?”
“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”
HEADLINES
HBO Real Time: Friday, August 28, 2020
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday August 21, 2020
June 24, 2020
HBO Real Time Returns: Friday, July 31, 2020
HBO Real Time is back with Kerry Washington, Jim Carrey, Thomas Chatterton Williams and Bari Weiss this Friday only on HBO!
June 19, 2020
HBO Real Time Guests: Friday, June 19, 2020
Susan Rice is the former US Ambassador to the UN who served as President Obama’s National Security Advisor from 2013-2017. Her New York Times bestselling memoir is “Tough Love: My Story of the Things Worth Fighting For.” Twitter: @AmbassadorRice
June 15, 2019
DEAD MAN TALKING
This sounds like a clumsy plot twist in a John Grisham movie, but it’s not. The estranged daughter of Thomas Hofeller, the GOP operative nicknamed “the Michelangelo of gerrymandering,” recently discovered some of her late father’s hard drives in storage. Now, what they revealed isn’t shocking – that the Republicans are trying to use every trick they […]
July 24, 2019
HAT CRIME
The Internet has no shortage of videos of people wearing MAGA hats in public places getting water thrown on them, having their hats snatched off their heads and, in some cases, being refused service.
July 24, 2019
POINT OF NO RETURN
On Fox News Sunday, Bill Hemmer asked Mick Mulvaney if we’re ever going to see Trump’s tax returns. “Oh no, never,” was his reply. At least you have to give him credit for not jerking us around with nonsense about an audit or “I’ll get back to you; we’re looking into it very strongly.“
March 22, 2019
The Mueller Report Litmus Test
Want to spot the difference between the two parties? Watch what happens once the Mueller report is released. For liberals, most will view the evidence Mueller presents as the most thorough and fair look at Trump and Russia that we’re likely to get. We’ll accept that the investigative powers available to Mueller and his team […]
April 2, 2019
King Putt
Here’s another entry for my Dictator Checklist: creating preposterous myths about yourself.
April 5, 2019
Ask what your country can do for Jared Kushner
When Jared Kushner’s dad was in prison, Little Jared ran the family company and made the decision to buy a cool building at 666 Fifth Avenue. (It was adorable! It was like Monopoly crossed with Home Alone.) Except The New York Times reports that he paid $1.8 billion for it and it was 30 percent empty and the […]
VIDEOS
#FreeUpTheMail
Bill calls on Americans to temporarily limit the amount of junk they send through the mail in order to help postal workers deliver election ballots.
Think Like a True QAnon
Bill re-reveals his true identity as “Q” and revels in the embrace of his conspiracy theories by President Trump and other politicians.
God Is Cancelled Party
If being a product of your time is no longer an excuse for being un-woke, Jesus Christ is in big trouble.
Here Lies Donald Trump
Bill offers President Trump some insight into how he will be remembered when he’s gone.
The Quarantine 15
Bill implores Americans do to their part in the fight against COVID-19 by confronting the country’s obesity epidemic.
The Guardians of Gotcha
Bill calls for an end to the shaming and canceling of people whose heart is in the right place on race issues, but don’t get it exactly right on the first try.
Democracy’s Safe Word
Bill wonders if we’ll ever see a crack in the “red wall of silence” that keeps Republicans from acknowledging President Trump’s outrageous behavior.
Sex Monster
In his editorial New Rule, Bill questions the timing of sexual assault allegations against Joe Biden and argues that, while serious, they could end up doing more harm than good.
Virus Shaming
In his editorial New Rule, Bill argues that China should be held responsible for allowing the conditions that scientists have long warned could lead to a pandemic.
Worst Responder
In his editorial New Rule, Bill warns Americans not to make the mistake of rallying around an inept leader like Donald Trump.